>
>
> SUBJECT: Redhead's funnies.. (fwd)
>      By: Jonathan Lee -- The Washington Post
>
>      I work in a central reservation office of an airline company.  After
> more than 130,000 conversations -- all ending with "Have a nice day and
> thanks for calling" -- I think it's fair to say that I'm a survivor.
>
>      I've made it through all the calls from adults who didn't know the
> difference between a.m. and p.m., from mothers of military recruits who
> didn't trust their little soldiers to get it right, from the woman who
> called to get advice on how to handle her teenage daughter, from the man who
> wanted to ride inside the kennel with his dog so he wouldn't have to pay for
> a seat, from the woman who wanted to know why she had to change clothes on
> our flight between Chicago and Washington (she was told she'd have to make a
> change between the two cities) and from the man who asked if I'd like to
> discuss the existential humanism that emanates from the soul of Habeeb.
>
>       In five years, I've received more than a boot camp education regarding
> the astonishing lack of awareness of our American citizenry. This lack of
> awareness encompasses every region of the country, economic status, ethnic
> background, and level of education.  My battles have included everything
> from a man not knowing how to spell the name of the town he was from, to
> another not recognizing the name of "Iowa" as being a state, to another who
> thought he had to apply for a foreign passport to fly to West Virginia.
> They are the enemy and they are everywhere.
>
>
>      In the history of the world there has never been as much communication
> and new things to learn as today. Yet, after asking a woman from New York
> what city she wanted to go to in Arizona, she asked "Oh...is it a big place?"
>
>      I talked to a woman in Denver who had never heard of Cincinnati, a man
> in Minneapolis who didn't know there was more than one city in the South
> ("wherever the South is"), a woman in Nashville who asked, "Instead of
> paying for my ticket, can I just donate the money to the National Cancer
> Society?", and a man in Dallas who tried to pay for his ticket by sticking
> quarters in the pay phone he was calling from.
>
>      I knew a full invasion was on the way when, shortly after signing on, a
> man asked if we flew to exit 35 on the New Jersey Turnpike. Then a woman
> asked if we flew to area code 304. And I knew I had been shipped off to the
> front when I was asked, "When an airplane comes in, does that mean it's
> arriving or departing?"  I remembered the strict training we had received --
> four weeks of regimented classes on airline codes, computer technology, and
> telephone behavior -- and it allowed for no means of retaliation.  We were
> told, "it's real hell out there and ya got no defense. You're going to hear
> things so silly you can't even make 'em up.  You'll try to explain things to
> your friends that you don't even believe yourself, and just when you think
> you've heard it all, someone will ask if they can get a free round-trip
> ticket to Europe by reciting 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'."
>
>      It wasn't long before I suffered a direct hit from a woman who wanted
> to fly to Hippopotamus, NY.  After assuring her that there was no such city,
> she became irate and said it was a big city with a big airport.  I asked if
> Hippopotamus was near Albany or Syracuse.  It wasn't.  Then I asked if it
> was near Buffalo.  "Buffalo!" she said.  "I knew it was a big animal!"
>
>      Then I crawled out of my bunker long enough to be confronted by a man
> who tried to catch our flight in Maconga.  I told him I'd never heard of
> Maconga and we certainly didn't fly to it.  But he insisted we did and to
> prove it he showed me his ticket: Macon, GA.
>
>      I've done nothing during my conversational confrontations to indicate
> that I couldn't understand English.  But after quoting the round-trip fare
> the passenger just asked for, he'll always ask:  "...Is that one-way?"  I
> never understood why they always question if what I just gave them is what
> they just asked for.
>
>      But I've survived to direct the lost, correct the wrong, comfort the
> weary, teach U.S. geography and give tutoring in the spelling and
> pronunciation of American cities.  I have been told things like: "I can't go
> stand-by for your flight because I'm in a wheelchair." I've been asked such
> questions as: "I have a connecting flight to Knoxville. Does that mean the
> plane sticks to something?"  And once a man wanted to go to Illinois. When I
> asked what city he wanted to go to in Illinois, he said, "Cleveland, Ohio."
>
>      After 130,000 little wars of varying degrees, I'm a wise old veteran of
> the communication conflict and can anticipate with accuracy what the next
> move by "them" will be. Seventy-five percent won't have anything to write
> on. Half will not have thought about when they're returning.  A third won't
> know where they're going; 10 percent won't care where they're going. A few
> won't care if they get back. And James will be the first name of half the
> men who call.
>
>      But even if James doesn't care if he gets to the city he never heard
> of; even if he thinks he has to change clothes on our plane that may stick
> to something; even if he can't spell, pronounce, or remember what city he's
> returning to, he'll get there because I've worked very hard to make sure
> that he can. Then with a click of the phone, he'll become a part of my past
> and I'll be hoping the next caller at least knows what day it is.
>
>      Oh, and James..."Thanks for calling and have a nice day."
>