If People Bought Computers Like They Bought Cars...

>
> General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know
> how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but
> imagine if they did....
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
>
> HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
>
> Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
>
> HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
>
> Customer: "What's an ignition?"
>
> HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
>            and turns over the engine."
>
> Customer: "Ignition?  Motor?  Battery?  Engine?  How come I have to
>            know all these technical terms just to use my car?"
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
>
> HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
>
> Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
>
> HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"
>
> Customer: "Huh?  How do I know?"
>
> HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle
>            and markings from 'E' to 'F'.  Where is the needle
>            pointing?"
>
> Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'.  What does that mean?"
>
> HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
>            some more gasoline.  You can install it yourself or pay
>            the vendor to install it for you."
>
> Customer: "What?  I paid $12,000 for this car!  Now you tell me that
>            I have to keep buying more components?  I want a car that
>            comes with everything built in!"
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
>
> HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
>
> Customer: "Your cars suck!"
>
> HelpLine: "What's wrong?"
>
> Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
>
> HelpLine: "What were you doing?"
>
> Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal
>            all the way to the floor.  It worked for a while and then
>            it crashed and it won't start now!
>
> HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.  What
>            do you expect us to do about it?"
>
> Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that
>            doesn't crash any more!"
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
>
> HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
>
> Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
>            because it has automatic transmission, cruise control,
>            power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
>
> HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car.  How can I help you?"
>
> Customer: "How do I work it?"
>
> HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
>
> Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
>
> HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
>
> Customer: "I'm not a technical person.  I just want to go places
>            in my car!"
>
> --
>Selected by Jim Griffith.  MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net.
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