> ========= UNIX me this, if you can =================
> 
> A customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:
> 
> Customer:     What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a
> program ?
> 
> UNIX consul:  Yes, that's correct.
> 
> Customer:     No, what is it ?
> 
> UNIX consul:  Yes.
> 
> Customer:     So, which is the one ?
> 
> UNIX consul:  No. 'which' is used to find the program.
> 
> Customer:     Stop this. Who are you ?
> 
> UNIX consul:  Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo' to
> get information about yoo'.
> 
> Customer:     All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
> 
> UNIX consul:  Use 'what'.
> 
> Customer:     That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?
> 
> UNIX consul:  No. 'true' gives you 0.
> 
> Customer:     Which one ?
> 
> UNIX consul:  'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'
> 
> Customer:     Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
> 
> UNIX consul:  Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what
> program' to get the revision code.
> 
> Customer:     I want to find the revision code.
> 
> UNIX consul:  You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'.
> 
> Customer:     Which command will do what I need?
> 
> UNIX consul:  No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
> 
> Customer:     I think I understand. Let me write that.
> 
> UNIX consul:  You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system.
> 
> Customer:     Write what?
> 
> UNIX consul:  No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
> 
> Customer:     Cut that out!
> 
> UNIX consul:  Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the
> options.
> 
> Customer:     Do you always do this ?
> 
> UNIX consul:  'du' will give you disk usage.
> 
> Customer:     HELP!
> 
> UNIX consul:  'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).
> 
> Customer:     You make me angry.
> 
> UNIX consul:  No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' when
> I was upset once.
> 
> Customer:     I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
> 
> UNIX consul:  No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system
> has 'more'.
> 
> Customer:     Nice help! I'm confused more now!
> 
> UNIX consul:  Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is
> better not to 'nice help' and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is.
> 	Unless of course 'now' is a file name.
> 
> Customer:     This is almost as confusing as my PC.
> 
> UNIX consul:  I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to
> the Pascal compiler team.
>