Signs That You Are Too Drunk

 --You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

 --You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

 --Job interfering with your drinking.

 --Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

 --Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

 --The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

 --Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

 --24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

 --Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

 --You can focus better with one eye closed.

 --The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

 --You fall off the floor...

 --Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

 --Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

 --Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you

 --At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

 --Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

 --You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you
   fell asleep clothed.

 --The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...

 --Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and
   more attractive.

 --Roseanne looks good.

 --Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

 --Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk
   past you.

 --I'm as jober as a sudge.

 --You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is
   the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.

 --The shrubbery's drunk too from frequent watering.