Before you, you see the census results that seem more of a scientific paper on species traits. It reads:

Laurens are a special breed of mammal, a more evolved branch of the larger family of homo sapiens. The most distinguishable characteristic of a lauren that sets her off from regular "humans" is the possession of an odd number of wisdom teeth, either three or one, not two, four, or zero.

Dental scientists have speculated that this rather odd feature sets laurens off as more evolved than humans. Also, their amazing ability to thrive off what scientists consider non-nutritional food shows that any typical laurens has developed a radically advanced digestive system that can handle large amounts of cereal without inducing sickness.

Furthermore, laurens exhibit chameleon-type characteristics, with hair and eye-color that changes with the surroundings. Even standard laurens, who run at a much slower pace than super laurens, exhibit higher intelligence than the standard human.

Statistics and characteristics for both types of laurens are below:

Standard Laurens
Speed: Slow Mode
Load Average: 1.1
Principle Nutritional Source: Cereal

Standard laurens result from laurens not having as much sleep as they need. This is typified by blank, glassy-eyed wonder. This type of laurens is well known for staying up awake talking to friends on-line. Because of her innate quietness, standard laurens live on a nocturnal schedule, occasionally making quick forays into the kitchen for cereal.

Super Laurens
Speed: Fast Mode
Load Average: 6.3
Principle Nutritional Source: Lentils

Well-fed and well-cared for laurens can grow up to be super laurens, with increased processor speed and higher self-induced load average. Super laurens are amazingly productive.